Part 1: Like my then 8-year old said, "Never stand on a swively chair"

8.10.22

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Good advice from anyone, right? Coming from an 8-year-old? Downright shrewd.

I've been managing not to stand on any swively chairs for like, 50 years. On July 3rd, I toed my first polyester fiber of many.

My favorite husband named Dave (they're all named Dave) and I took the Movie Star we live with, Ginger Grant, on a dogcation to Stowe, VT.

It was lovely, the town, the weather, the breweries, until it wasn't.

On July 3rd, I felt a lump. On July 5th I tried to see my GP, Dr. Ranno, was told she was on vacation (maybe with her own Movie Star, IDK) and got her partner Goldfarb. Partner saw me, agreed that there was, indeed, a lump, and that I should do stuff, like go for a mammogram and ultrasound (heretofore known as "US").

Yessir, I want to do that stuff, please. Set me up.

<insert record scratch>

No appointments anywhere for over a week. Sonofabee.

<insert kicks and grunting noises>

Finally got into Smilow Breast Center on July 12, where I was handled by the most uninterested woman to ever work at a Cancer Center. She forgot about me. Twice. Did the mamo, did the US and left.

Finally remembered me, (she straight up told me she forgot me) got the doctor in to review, (this is Dr. Lewin, decent guy) who kind of treated her like I wish I could have, like she was incompetent. Not sure if that made me like him more, or less...

Bottom line, she was incompetent. Not only did she forget my next steps, but forgot to US my armpit.

Dr. Lewin did not. What he did was find 4 - let's go with the pathologist's future description of - "Highly Suspicious Masses". Oh, yeah. You know me, go big or go bigger! Not just masses, not just suspicious masses, highly suspicious masses.

I got a lot of what I imagined were sad, frowny, commiseration-type looks (I couldn't see his face, ok? The guy had a mask on, man. It's 2022!) but I knew from the way his mask moved that I was screwed.

So the incompetent tech told me to get dressed, and meanwhile she'd set up biopsies, then forgot me for the second time of the morning. She remembered me 30 minutes later and blamed me for being in the waiting room (she told me to go to the waiting room).

Now comes the next foot planted ever so precariously on that swivley seat.

Biopsies on the 25th. A Fellow, Dr. Young, was assisting. His hands shook when he handed me the pen to sign the release to perform heroic measures should something go wrong in this basic, locally anesthetized (but bitch of a) procedure. I was not looking forward to this fine fellow sticking sharp, pointy, things in my soft tissue. But he did and he missed a few times, and ol' reliable, Dr Lewin had to finish. The Tech Formerly Known as Incompetent was nowhere in sight. I had Jesse for the US/Mamo and Kim was the nurse with me the whole time. Both were kind, compassionate, attentive and just exactly who I'd want near me if I ever have to do those things again. Thanks to them for being awesome.

They took a lotta samples, more than they expected to, I was told.

AND NOW WE WAIT...